


The Chains of Lyrium

by The Bookwyrm (Amicitia)



Series: Inquisitor Trevelyan [5]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Lyrium Addiction, Lyrium Withdrawal, No Romance, No Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-12 14:56:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7938865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amicitia/pseuds/The%20Bookwyrm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen tries to deal with his lyrium addiction.<br/>--------------------------------------------------</p><p>“Is something the matter Commander?” The aide asked as he looked up from his paperwork. The scout had just returned from the field and was recovering from a leg injury. Leliana had graciously assigned him as the scout had wanted to serve but could not.</p><p>“I just need some fresh air,” Cullen said as he got up from his desk before a wave of nausea came over him and he slumped against the side of the desk.</p><p>The aide got up to assist the man, reaching to support him but as he got close, Cullen let out a frustrated roar and reached out, gripping the man’s sword arm in a disarming manner. The aide’s eyes widened as he tried to pry himself free of the former templar’s grasp.</p><p>“Ser?” he asked as he noticed a wild feral look in the other’s eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

While sleep was a welcomed break from the day for many, Cullen Rutherford was not one of those people. He set himself to work day after day, putting aside his reports and training only when he was far too exhausted to continue. It helped, and he got by, focusing on his work. Day in day out, keeping the forces in tip top shape kept the demons at night at bay. But this was no way a man could survive and as the days wore on, it took its toll on the man’s mind and body. 

It had started out simple enough, occasional headaches, slight trembling of hands, symptoms that he had attributed to exhaustion. His soldiers had noticed it but said nothing about it, but they gave him as little trouble as they could. But it was harder day after day… although part of the burden was lowered. He had at least told Islington that he was no longer taking lyrium.

The Inquisitor had come into his office one day on business, and had caught him staring at his lyrium kit. Cullen looked up when he heard the soft footsteps of the white-haired mage.

“As leader of the Inquisition, you… there’s something I must tell you,” he said with a sigh. It was nerve wrecking. Partially because he felt a little uncomfortable to confessing to a mage, but mostly because it was admitting some weakness on his part. He had put it off long enough and honestly, if the Inquisitor had not walked in on him just then, they might not even have this conversation.

Inquisitor Trevelyan studied the man thoughtfully for a moment, concern crossing his face before he nodded. “Whatever it is, I’m willing to listen. You’ve given me more than enough counsel Cullen and if something is bothering you, I am more than happy to provide a listening ear.”

The former templar nodded his head awkwardly. “Right, thank you. Lyrium grants templars our abilities, but it controls us as well. Those cut off suffer. Some go mad, others die,” he said as he looked at the lyrium kit once more. Then he looked back at the Inquisitor who had a fairly neutral expression. 

“I am aware of it Cullen, I lived in a circle… you do not have to explain lyrium to me,” Islington said, if a little irritated before he sighed rubbing his temples. “My apologies, do go on.”

Cullen regarded the man suspiciously for a moment, half wondering why the Inquisitor snapped at him. Part of him wanted to just avoid the topic completely, but it was necessary. While the Inquisitor said he was willing to listen, from being snapped at, it felt like he truly wasn’t willing to. Still the commander continued. “We have secured a reliable source of lyrium for the templars here. But I… no longer take it.”

There it was out. It was more difficult than he had expected and he watched the man’s expression carefully, trying to work out what the man was thinking.

“You stopped?” Islington asked, surprise evident on his face and tone.

Cullen looked back at his kit. “I did. I stopped when I joined the Inquisition. It’s been months now.”

There was a slight pause as Islington looked at the kit, then at the man. “That… that is brave of you Cullen. Are you all right?” It was a large shift from the snapping earlier. There was genuine concern now. The fluidity of the Inquisitor’s emotions and reactions to him gave him a headache as he tried to analyse them. Stick what you want to tell him Cullen, he told himself.

“I can endure it. After what happened in Kirkwall, I couldn’t… I will not be bound to the order, or that life, any longer. Whatever the suffering, I accept it,” he said as he stood up. Hearing those words from his own mouth strengthened his resolve as he looked at the Inquisitor straight in the eye as he took a deep breath. “But I will not put the Inquisition at risk.

I have asked Cassandra to… watch me. If my ability to lead is compromised, I will be relieved from duty.”

Islington nodded his head and walked over to the man, placing a gloved hand on his shoulder. “I understand Cullen. Thank you for telling me. I respect what you’re doing and I know… it’s not easy. I’ve seen many a senior templar succumb to it over the years at the Circle. And… I know… I know… I know how it’s used to control the templars. They take it away from you, hold enough from you to twist your arm.”

Cullen looked up at the yellow eyes of the leader of the Inquisition. Now it was his turn to be surprised. Few mages knew how the templar order worked. Most knew that the templars took lyrium, but few knew it was used as a leash. There was pity there in the man’s eyes, and worry. 

Seeing the surprised expression, Islington continued. “My younger brother… he used to be a templar at Ostwick. He told me about how lyrium worked… and how… one time he was being punished for insubordination. The Knight-Lieutenant withheld part of his rations from him. It… it was painful, when I snuck down into the cell to see him. His hands were shaking and he was cold. Even my fire spells could not warm him enough when he didn’t have enough lyrium… to stop… to stop taking it Cullen… It’s not an easy choice and it’s one worthy of admiration.”

The Inquisitor squeezed the man’s shoulder and smiled reassuringly before he backed away. 

“Thank you Inquisitor… I… I did not expect you to know so much about the templar order.”

Islington nodded his head and turned about to head out.

“You mentioned your brother was a templar. Did he leave the order?”

The mage stopped mid-stride, looking out of the door as he opened it. “No, he died at the conclave,” he said and hurried out before Cullen could apologise or ask more. 

As the door closed behind him, Cullen took a deep breath of relief. At least that was over, now he had Cassandra watching him and the Inquisitor knew. Closing the box, he placed it in a corner of his desk. Its chains would continue to test him, but he knew he could hold on.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen continues to deal with his lyrium withdrawal. Cole and Cassandra come into the scene.

It had gotten better after speaking to the Inquisitor, but lyrium withdrawal was not that simple. It came when he least expected it.

It had been a tiring day. Some of his soldiers had gone missing and he worried about them. There was the usual processing of missives and troop movement but he was being road blocked by nobles who worried about their grass being trampled. Cullen slammed his hand on the table, causing his aide to look up with a start.

“Is something the matter Commander?” The aide asked as he looked up from his paperwork. The scout had just returned from the field and was recovering from a leg injury. Leliana had graciously assigned him as the scout had wanted to serve but could not.

“I just need some fresh air,” Cullen said as he got up from his desk before a wave of nausea came over him and he slumped against the side of the desk.

The aide got up to assist the man, reaching to support him but as he got close, Cullen let out a frustrated roar and reached out, gripping the man’s sword arm in a disarming manner. The aide’s eyes widened as he tried to pry himself free of the former templar’s grasp.

“Ser?” he asked as he noticed a wild feral look in the other’s eyes. Cullen regarded the scout carefully before he released him.

“I'm sorry… If anyone looks for me I've gone to speak to Cassandra,” he told the aide before he left. The scout heaved a sigh of relief, worried for his life for a short moment before he sat down, checking his arm.

As Cullen strolled through the cool air of the Frostback Mountains, it had occurred to him briefly to talk to the Inquisitor. The man had more than shown he was capable of being a confidant and friend, not just his boss… But he has enough on his shoulders. Cullen knew where he could find Cassandra. The woman was always close to the training dummies, busy working on her techniques, teaching new recruits how to use their blades where possible. As he walked across the ramparts, he saw her heading towards the blacksmiths, probably to check on some armour or blade. His mind wandered for a bit, perhaps she would be a better commander in his stead. Below him in the courtyard, the sound of metal clashing against each other rose into the air. Some of the templars were busy training the new recruits, shouting instructions that were all too familiar. He turned briefly to look down, then back, only to gasp as his orientation swam and he felt as if the world was spinning about him. The brief vision caused him to stumble a little and he leaned against the stone work for support as he shook his head.

“It’s all right Cullen, it’ll go away,” Cole spoke softly as he appeared out from nowhere as usual. “This is real, you’re real and I’m real,” the boy said as he reached out to place his hand on the man’s own, squeezing it to reassure him. Cullen closed his eyes and breathed slowly, and evenly until he had calmed down and he felt steady enough.

“Thank you Cole… I… I appreciate it,” he said with a smile. There was an odd friendship forming between the Commander and the Spirit. It had been unnerving at first when the spirit could read everyone’s thoughts, but it had been a comfort later on, when his thoughts and visions plagued him. On some level, he knew someone was looking out for him and that… that was reassuring in some way to know that he wasn’t alone on all this. The boy couldn’t do much but provide words of comfort but a steady hand, a reassuring voice was all it took sometimes to bring him back to the real world and remind him of tasks that needed to be done.

When the Spirit had taken a corner of the third level of the Herald’s Rest as his home, Cullen had taken the nearby tower, positioning himself where he could easily reach the spirit, as well as a certain apostate hedge mage quickly, least the two of them became a danger to the Inquisition. It was far enough that it wouldn’t arouse too much distrust and suspicion, but he was cautious all the same. Months into the formation of the Inquisition, the distance was now irrelevant and he had come to appreciate the occasional presence of the boy. Sometimes they even tried playing chess together, although Cole spoke to the pieces. At times they shared jokes.

“I’m glad to help Cullen,” Cole said with a smile. It was still eerie to look at, given the pale and gaunt look the boy carried in his expression, but the boy had his heart in the right place. Cullen nodded his head.

“Do you need help with anything Cole?” he asked, more of out habit than anything.

“My shoelaces keep coming untied. Can you talk to them? They don’t listen to me,” Cole said as he looked down at his boots with a helpless expression.

The sudden change and unexpected topic caused the former templar to burst into laughter. “You just have to tie them up properly Cole. Here I’ll show you again,” he said as he knelt down and demonstrated it on one boot, before asking Cole to do it on the other. It had become a partial sort of routine for him these days with the boy. No matter how many times he tried to show Cole, the boy’s shoelaces still came undone, and at the oddest times as well. It had happened more often lately as his withdrawal symptoms getting worse, or was it just his perception? It was hard to tell. Cullen took a good hard look at Cole as he studied him.

“He did ask me to keep an eye on you. He's worried. I'm worried. Many of us are… But we trust you can make it… Wait that didn't help…” Cole said frowning.

Cullen shook his head. The words oddly made him even more upset, more nervous as he felt the pressure and expectations of others on him. “I'll be all right Cole. I just… I just need to talk to Cassandra.”

Cole looked upset. “But you're not all right…”

Cullen brushed past him, not wanting the spirit’s help. Cole picked up on that and hung aside. The spirit did not want to make his friend forget either. Cullen made it a point not to look at Cole's direction. He couldn't face the sad puppy look the boy gave him. He couldn't handle that right now. Hand gripping hard on the handrail, he made his way down the flight of steps, taking his time as he fought the nausea. It would pass… It will pass, he told himself repeatedly. By the time he had reached the bottom of the stairs, he felt better and was able to catch his breath before he headed inside the smithy to look for Cassandra.

The seeker was busy talking to an apprentice, rather he was showing her a new piece of armour he had made for her and she was appraising it with a smile. The craftsmanship was well done and she knew it would serve her well.

“That will do, thank you,” she said as she took it and headed towards the door. Her eyebrows raised themselves in surprise as she spotted Cullen.

“It's a surprise to see you here Cullen, but a pleasure. Do you have business with the smiths?” The woman asked with a smile. Her expression faltered though when she studied his face closer. There were dark circles marking his eyes and she was familiar with the look of a tormented man.

“This is not about the smiths is it? You're here to talk to me,” she concluded with a frown.

“It's been getting worse Cassandra. The dreams… I don't sleep well. When I wake I feel dizzy… There's headaches…” The frustrated man spoke with a defeated tone to his voice. “And the worst part was that I nearly tore off my aide’s arm when he tried to help me!”

Cullen began to pace about the area. The smiths either pretended not to hear their conversation or the clanging of metal was too loud for them to overhear or they were far too busy to bother with the business of the Inquisition’s leaders. Whatever their reason, Cullen and Cassandra were left to their own in front of the hearth.

The man’s footsteps became more erratic as he grew more agitated. “I cannot continue to serve as a Commander if I'm a danger to my own men! What sort of man would I be? Cassandra you told me once that you would keep watch over me and tell me if I'm unfit to command the forces of the Inquisition. I am telling you now that I am a unfit to be in charge. You should find a new commander or YOU should be the commander.”

The seeker folded her arms as she stared at her fellow warrior, her voice slow and resolute, “And I will tell you that you are still fit to lead. There is no need to find a replacement Cullen.”

“Maker’s breath I just about threatened one of our men and you're telling me that I'm still fit to lead?” Cullen shouted at Cassandra, raising his hands in disbelief as he turned away from her.

“You asked for my opinion, and I've given it. Why would you expect it to change?” Cassandra asked shaking her head. She did wish her friend could see what she saw, not a man who was being crushed by his dependency on a substance, but a man who was strong enough to recognise its detrimental effects and resist it.

Cullen sighed exasperatedly, “I expect you to keep your word. It's relentless. I can't…”

Knowing this would just continue about in a circular manner, Cassandra interrupted Cullen, “You give yourself too little credit.” It pained her to see him like this.

The Commander paced about a little more, growing more agitated by the minute. “If I’m unable to fulfil the vows I kept, then nothing good has come of this. Would you rather save face than admit…”

The door opened, interrupting him once more. Good grief, couldn’t he just finish one sentence without being interrupted? The Inquisitor stepped through the door, worry evident on his face and he headed straight for Cullen and Cassandra. How Islington had known about what happened this quickly was a mystery.

“We will speak of this later,” Cullen spoke before he brushed past the Inquisitor as he headed out the door before the man could ask more questions.

Cassandra rolled her eyes and shook her head as she turned towards the Inquisitor. “And people say I’m stubborn. This is ridiculous. Cullen told you that he’s no longer taking lyrium?” She was honestly fed up and frustrated with the man’s actions, but there was little that she could do but be patient about it. Nature had to take its course… but patience was never Cassandra’s strong suite.

Islington looked at the departing Commander before turning back to Cassandra. “Yes, and I respect his decision.” There was a certain tone in his voice as he said it. It was shaky. Cassandra glanced at Inquisitor for a moment before she continued, wondering if she had heard his tone correctly. “As do I. Not that he’s willing to listen. Cullen has asked that I recommend a replacement for him. I refused. It’s not necessary. Besides, it would destroy him. He’s come so far.”

Islington nodded his head, and he had a far off expression in his face. “Why didn’t he come to me?” The words could have been said as a plead, but it was not. It was matter of fact, curious, yet it did not match his facial expression. The more Cassandra studied her friend, the more confused she got, but she explained either way.

“We had an agreement, long before you joined us. As a Seeker, I could evaluate the dangers.”

Islington nodded his head. “I will see what I can do to talk to him Cassandra.”

The Seeker nodded her head. “If anyone could change his mind, it’s you. Mages have made their suffering known, but templars never have. They are bound to the Order, mind and soul, with someone always holding their lyrium leash. Cullen has a chance to break that leash, to prove himself, and anyone who would follow suit that it’s possible. He can do this. I knew that when we met in Kirkwall. Talk to him, decide if now is the time.”

Islington sighed softly. “Of course.”

The burden and chain of command always fell to him. Cassandra noted the look  and paused. “Are you all right Islington?” she asked, finally unable to hold it in.

Islington turned to look at her. “Not entirely, but do not concern yourself with it. I’m mostly worried for Cullen. He’s not just the Commander of the Inquisition’s troops. He’s our friend as well.”

“As are you Islington. That is more than what I can say for many who I have known. Take care of yourself as well.”

“And you too Cassandra.”

With that he headed out the door, looking up towards Cullen’s tower. He would go there, but first he needed to make a stop at the Herald’s Rest to get some insight from a certain Spirit.


	3. A spirit's insight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Islington seeks some insights from Cole. Whether it's useful or not... Short chapter

Islington trotted past Bull and his men. The bunch of them were fairly drunk and singing and he chuckled softly to himself. Bull and Sera were two friends whom he looked to at times to give him a break from the Inquisition. He got two mugs of tea from the bar. The Mage headed up the stairs to the third floor where Cabot used it as some sort of storage space. Over there by the corner, a figure sat hunched as he stared at the wall, his face hidden beneath his hat. The Inquisitor sat down quietly next to the boy, offering a mug to him.

“Have some tea Cole. I know you don't drink or eat but I would appreciate the company,” the man confessed.

Cole obliged as he looked at Islington. “I tried to help Cullen like you asked but it didn't work. He felt more pain after I spoke to him.”

Islington leaned back against the wall sipping his tea quietly. “So you told me. I appreciate you keeping an eye on him. Even if your words couldn't help, you helped by watching him and making sure he's coping well. This is not something that you can heal through words Cole. It takes time. I've seen it happen before. Cullen is handling it better than many.”

“He appreciated teaching me to tie my shoelace. It's something normal and familiar for him,” Cole spoke quietly.

“It was a good idea Cole… Is there anything else about Cullen I should know about before I speak to him?” Islington was straight to the point. He didn't worry about the spirit’s wellbeing like he did for some of the others in the inner circle. Cole ran on a different set of rules completely and Islington had come to accept that once he understood the spirit better.

Cole tried to imitate Islington sipping his tea, mostly to indulge his friend before he looked into the space in front of him. “Dreams, demons... Vows vanishing, voices vibrating… He feels so alone in the din. ” The spirit said after he peered into the mind of the Commander.

The Inquisitor nodded his head as he listened. Nothing new there for him to learn. “Thanks Cole,” he said as he finished the tea. “Could you bring these down for Cabot? I have to see Cullen.”  
Cole finished his tea and took Islington’s mug. “I hope you do better than I did.”

“I'll try. We all do.”


	4. Chapter 4

Cullen stared at the kit before him, his breath heavy. Why was it so difficult to break free of the blue bottle’s effects? It was tempting, calling to him and he could hear it's song in his memory as he stared at it. But it wasn't just a pleasant song, he heard the cries of the mages who had been made Tranquil, Meredith’s voice. It filled his head and it hurt. He had dismissed the aide so he could be alone for now, a dismissal that the aide had welcomed after the commander’s outburst.

With a frustrated roar he swung his hand, sweeping several papers off his desk along with the kit. He heard it smash against the door and footsteps moving to the side as Islington barely dodged the flying object. 

“Maker’s breath! I… I didn't hear you enter… I… Forgive me,” he said shaking his head and rubbing his temples. A quick cursory glance told him that the Inquisitor was unhurt, just started.

Islington took a look at the kit before he bent down to pick up the contents which had fallen out and placed them in their proper places correctly. “As long as you weren't aiming at me. I'm sure the box had it coming,” he said with a tired chuckle as he tried to diffuse the tense situation.

“Inquisitor… I swear I didn't know you were…” The Templar trailed off mid sentence before he slumped against the table, leaning on it and breathing hard. Just the very act of it was tedious. 

“I never meant for this to interfere.”

Islington took a good hard look at the man. “I believe you Cullen, I know you didn't.”

“For whatever good it does, promises mean nothing if I cannot keep them. You asked what happened to Ferelden’s circle. It was taken over by abominations. The templars,  _ my friends _ , were slaughtered,” the blonde man said as he moved away from the table to look out the window. His fists clenched hard as he fought back the bitter tears that threatened to overwhelm him. 

Islington watched the man quietly nodding his head. He was glad, that to a large degree, his friend was finally talking about the burdens in his heart, and his whatever demons that plagued him in the night.

“I was tortured. They tried to break my mind… And I… how can you be the same person after that? Still, I wanted to serve. They sent me to Kirkwall. I trusted my knight-commander, and for what? Her fear of mages ended in madness. Kirkwall’s circle fell. Innocent people died in the streets. Can't you see I want nothing to do with that life?”

Islington reached out with one gloved hand to the man, but decided against it and withdrew. “Of course I can Cullen, I....

Cullen glanced at Islington scowling. “Don’t! You should be questioning what I’ve done. You’re a mage and yet you’re sympathising with me, a former templar...”

A soft ‘heh’ noise came from the Inquisitor before Cullen continued. “I thought this would be better. That I would regain some control over my life, but these thoughts won't leave me!”

The last part had Cullen growling as he worked through his emotions, putting his frustrations behind his words. It pained Islington to see his friend like this, but he made it a point to keep his expression as neutral as possible. An old habit he had all the time when things got emotional. The Inquisitor mentally ran through a few things in his head, but his thoughts were disrupted by Cullen once more.

“How many lives depend on our success. I swore myself to this cause. I will not give less to the Inquisition than I did the Chantry. I should be taking it. I should be taking it!”

The Trevelyan recognised the stage and sought to step in, pushing the box away from the Commander, placing himself between the man and the kit so that Cullen was forced to look upon the tanned man’s expression. The starkness and seriousness of the Inquisitor’s expression startled the warrior. The Inquisitor held up his hand towards the man, indicating that he wished to speak and not be interrupted at all. 

“You give enough Cullen. I’m not asking for more. The Inquisition can be your chance to start over, if you want it to be,” he said as he reached out now, placing a hand on the furred shoulders as he looked his commander in the eye. The anger and frustration in Cullen’s eyes fled at that.

“I don’t know if that’s possible…”

“It is Cullen. More than you know. You’ll get through this, and you won’t be alone on it all right? You have Cassandra and I, and the rest. There’s Leliana, Dorian, Varric, Blackwall and Cole, maybe Bull as well if you want to count him into it. I had Cole keep an eye on you, least it gets worse and to inform me when it did… truth be told I have him listening on everyone. He does it anyway but I ask him to tell me if any of us need help. It’s… well I know it’s not that ethical but with the way things are, we all need to try and be in a decent enough condition to fight Corypheus. And you will make it through, because you have a chance, a really good chance of breaking free from lyrium. You've gone months without it, and I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you're better than where you were when you started. If you need someone to talk to, or just someone to play chess with just find one of us… Are you comfortable with letting the others know what you're going through?” Islington spoke at length as he watched his friend.

Cullen sighed a little, rubbing the back of his neck, an old habit it had from young as he thought about the Inquisitor’s offer and the possible implications. “Maybe just Leliana and Dorian… He is going to hear about it either way isn't he?” The commander asked dryly knowing that the Tevinter had become his leader’s closest confidant.

Islington grinned a little sheepishly at that. “In a manner of speaking… That… That aside Cullen… I've spoken to some of Templars… Rather they came to find me, out of concern for your wellbeing. They know the symptoms of lyrium withdrawal all too well and… Frankly, they thought I was punishing you by withholding your lyrium and attempted to seek some sort of justice or compromise for you. They have faith that you'll break free. If there's anyone with enough resolve to do it, it's you Cullen. Don't let those thoughts get in the way. You're stronger than that.”

Cullen stared at the man. Just how many people knew what he was struggling with? Although he knew his men suspected or so. He supposed it couldn't be a secret for that long. 

“All right… I'll try.”

Islington nodded his head and headed out of the room, leaving Cullen to his own devices for now. Quietly, he placed his box away, keeping it on the shelf where it always sat before he sat down at his desk, trying to process what just happened.

Over the next few days, he found more visitors coming into his office, but for different reasons. Not just Inquisition work, but offers of chess, a chance to unwind a little. Cole came by fairly often now, mostly to read Cassandra’s copy of Swords and Shields, where he ended up asking Cullen questions that made the Chantry boy turn bright red in the cheeks. Who knew Varric could write such tantalising tales. It gave him more insight than he actually needed on some of his companions. 

It was about a week later that he stood upon the battlements, feeling the cool air of the Frostback mountains rush past him as he watched the clouds. It was there that the Inquisitor found him. Cullen heard the telltale patter of the man’s feet against the stones as he turned around and smiled slightly.

“I wanted to thank you, when you came to see me… if there’s anything…” he said before he exhaled deeply before he rubbed the back of his neck again and sighed. “This sounded much better in my head.”

Islington returned the smile. “I trust you’re feeling better?”

“I… yes.”

“Is it always that bad?”

“The pain comes and goes. Sometimes I feel as if I’m back there… I should not have pushed myself so far that day,” the Commander confessed.

“Skyhold won’t fall apart if you take an hour for yourself now and then,” Islington assured him.

Cullen turned to look over the cloud line. The times people had come in to ask him to relax and just talk had shown him that it was possible. It had been eye opener for the workaholic. “I’ll keep that in mind.” 

“I’ve never told anyone what truly happened to me at Ferelden’s Circle. I was… not myself after that. I was angry. For years, that anger blinded me. I’m not proud of the man that made me. Now I can put some distance between myself and everything that happened. It’s a start,” Cullen said calmly as he turned towards the Inquisitor.

“You’re a better person than you give yourself credit for,” Islington said with a smile, trying to reassure the other.

“I appreciate the thought, but I know who I am. Anyway, I meant to thank you, not trouble you further. You’ve enough to worry about. How are you holding up?”

The abruptness of the question caused Islington to look away and Cullen watched the man struggle to put on his neutral expression. By now it had become a tell tale sign of the man’s true emotions. “Islington?”

Trevelyan stared over the battlements for a while before he replied. “Honestly, I’m terrified. So many people depend on us, on me. Corypheus is still out there… I… Adan has been giving me these tonics to help me sleep, maybe you could try it some time. It helps ease the dreams, get me the sleep I need. It’s… something only he and Dorian knows about. I suppose Cole does too as well and now you too.” 

Cullen regarded the mage thoughtfully. Though they were from different walks of life, they had more similarities than he had expected. “How bad are the dreams?”

“Bad enough,” and there was a tone in the Inquisitor’s voice which said that he wasn’t going to talk about it. Cullen got the hint. 

“We’ve made great strides. Do not doubt yourself or the Inquisition just yet. If there’s anything I can do, you have only to ask,” he offered.

“Thank you Cullen, I appreciate that,” Islington said as he turned to look over at the skies. “You know there was once back when I was a child that I tricked my brother that he could fly…” 

The two of them traded stories as the sun continued to rise, laughing for a bit and generally enjoying each other’s company and friendship. The world was a dark and stark place but friends like these made things a lot more bearable and brighter. As for Cullen, while there were days that proved challenging, his friends and colleagues were accommodating, adjusting to his needs, helping him where it was needed. It was a strange but warm feeling to be included and taken care of, but one that he welcomed with open arms.


End file.
